This is going to be short; even though I have a LOT on my mind it’s not really coming out very well.
I thought I had sorted out the trans issue in the early 90’s. I’d make an ugly woman, I’m far too poor to transistion and I wasn’t even sure I was honestly trans to begin with.
“Fuck it”, I said -then proceeded to burn through sexual encounter after sexual encounter for the next 10 years wondering why none of them clicked.
“Yeah, I like playing a girl in SL, no big” kinda.
It’s had an impact on my life, on my spirit beyond that -even while I’ve ignored it.
I don’t want to over-state it; esp since I’m not transistioning (I’m still ugly, I’m still poor). That said I want to get a handle on it; on how it’s influenceing -present tense, who I am. How I feel, my emotional life and dynamics and shit.
This started with me doing some reading on trans issues because I want to open a hangout for “girls who are RL guys”, but something low-key. Nothing that’s either political or therapeutic.
I’ve wanted to do that for years, and I’m still going to -but the timetable’s set back a bit while I try to sort out who in the hell I am.