Closing up shop and moving on…

I’m moving the party over to my own domains:

http://hanheld.netย <- my own domain and future home of this blog.

Edited 27 April 2021 to correct the address ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ˆ

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Wrong way, Han!

Several months later and I’m still like “eh” about the gender thing. I tried changing to “Monica” but pretty quickly it felt forced and weird. That kinda defeats the whole point, doesn’t it?

Right now I’m kinda feeling like “Ok, this is a real thing, but it’s too late, and go on” -at least for full-fledged transitioning, IRL.

During my cyber-smut phase, before my epiphany, I used to say that I was “playing the girl I wish I’d been if I transitioned” -that was more true, but also more mundane than I had thought.

That’s what I’ve been doing in everything, not just when I played Big Boobed Betsy or what fucking ever. Cutesy neko aside I’ve generally had either a “wacky” or a “tomboy” look and honestly? That’s how I’d present if I was a girl irl.

How I act is who I am, but how I appear is who (or how) I’d like to be had I have gone down the transition road in my early adulthood.

That’s the emo shit -“wrong way” indeed. The trans thing is a “FYI” to myself, not a call to up-end everything and all. So I’m glad that’s sorted.

THEN there’s the tech shit. Let me tell you about the CLI multiplexer “Screen”.

“Screen” is the wrong tool for the job(“wrong way” being the theme of the day, I guess). Seriously -for years we’ve been told (in opensim) to use monit.

But fuck monit, tbh.

I don’t know it and failing a telnet-level security issue I’ll keep using screen because it’s what I know. It’s what I like.

I tried using screen remotely in the past; something like:

ssh IPADDRESS screen

and got errors, and forgot about it.

Lately I’ve been playing with running screen detatched and revisted it.

I’ve discovered that instead of needing to log in to the IPADDRESS, I can simply do it remotely. Like:


“-d -m” tell it to start detatched (in the background).

So if you had a ton of regions, and you’ve written scripts to start them, you could easily do them in a simple stanza.

Let’s assume you have four regions, and have written four scripts ( on your remote server to start them.

It would be easy to start them locally with a shell script similar to this:


IPADDRESS= #replace with your actual IP, durr

#start up the robust service on the remote server, so that there’s something

# for the regions to connect to ๐Ÿ˜‰

ssh IPADDRESS -S rob -d -m $HOME/opensim/bin/Robust.exe -inifile=Robust.HG.ini

for x in 1 2 3 4


ssh IPADDRESS -S $x -d -m $HOME/bin/$

sleep 15 #give each simulator a chance to start properly


#end script

Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. That cuts down the amount of time you need to spend on the remote server. Of course you still want to remote over to do various (oar, iar, sql) backups and other maintenance tasks (updates etc).

Now mind you, that’s just an (untested!) example -but you either ought to know enough to write your own script or you ought to be doing some reading to learn how. ๐Ÿ™‚

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Personal revelations

This is going to be short; even though I have a LOT on my mind it’s not really coming out very well.

I thought I had sorted out the trans issue in the early 90’s. I’d make an ugly woman, I’m far too poor to transistion and I wasn’t even sure I was honestly trans to begin with.

“Fuck it”, I said -then proceeded to burn through sexual encounter after sexual encounter for the next 10 years wondering why none of them clicked.

“Yeah, I like playing a girl in SL, no big” kinda.

It’s had an impact on my life, on my spirit beyond that -even while I’ve ignored it.

I don’t want to over-state it; esp since I’m not transitioning (I’m still ugly, I’m still poor). [JULY 2020 Update -disregard that, I started transitioning in May]ย That said I want to get a handle on it; on how it’s influencing -present tense, who I am. How I feel, my emotional life and dynamics and shit.

This started with me doing some reading on trans issues because I want to open a hangout for “girls who are RL guys”, but something low-key. Nothing that’s either political or therapeutic.

I’ve wanted to do that for years, and I’m still going to -but the timetable’s set back a bit while I try to sort out who in the hell I am.


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Inbox tantrum

So, this idiot named “Tenshi” posted their region on Opensimworld. The merits of OSW are debatable, but that’s neither here nor there. Tenshi put a “#” sign in front of their region name which made it unfindable either over the hypergrid or locally from OSGrid (where they host their region).

I posted a comment on their region’s entry saying as much.

Which Tenshi erased.

The next day I checked OSG again, checking with the folks in lbsa to be sure it wasn’t just a misconfiguration on my end.

Nope. It wasn’t. So I post a review with words: “Good luck getting to it”

Tenshi private messaged me and asked why I was swearing on the page. That alone is a huge red flag that you’re dealing with someone who is either too juvenile or far too repressed to have a mature conversation. Regardless, I had a go of it and explained that my review had no profanity and furthermore


As you can see, it was about the profanity.

Mind you, while I don’t remember my exact words it was more likely the “fucking” was “using the # sign is fucking up” as opposed to “you are a fucking idiot”. IE, my post was civil, but “zomg swears”.

So, while I’m off reading old guardian articles about 70’s music, Tenshi has a melt-down in my inbox:


This has gone off the rails and Tenshi has shown that they’re not only unable to talk maturely, but that they have some serious emotional issues as well.

So I find and send a meme with the intention of walking away:


At that point there was nothing else to do but hit the block button.

Incidently -that ‘virus’ ? Was this gif:


…which is the only appropriate response to histrionic fools like Tenshi.

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I stuck my neck out for the HG community

And all I got was a knife in the back!


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And Then There Were Three …

I’ve done a bit on TAG grid the last few days. I gave up on the temple idea (or have I?) and have done a little research into what mansions were like in Ancient egypt.

I went premium, which includes a free scenic region -that’s the dot to the north. And I’ve gotten a new 15k region to the west (“little cairo”). The names are starting to annoy me, so I’ll probably change them in a couple of weeks. I’ve been all up in their ticket system so I think I’ll wait a tic

Anyway – that brings me up to 3 regions:


Here’s the view from north:

WIP TAG 23 Aug 2019_001

WIP TAG 23 Aug 2019_002


WIP TAG 23 Aug 2019_003

Inside, with the main hall behind me:

WIP TAG 23 Aug 2019_005

I’m setting that up to have dances there, and if Aine’s “Clone Me” utility works (have to import it) then I may have a working harem to offer! :O

Humblebrag: I built the house on the 21st but hated how janky it looked, so I mostly rebuilt it yesterday -the 22nd. That’s two builds in two days: but following a floorplan.


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Neuanzere Status Report – 5 Aug 2019

I’ve managed to get a little bit done on the Neuanzere Project, despite the heatwave and despite the mechanizations of Bad Gov Lurch and other RL distractions.

Shortly after I decided to restart the project a couple of things happened:

1) When I announced my RL was going to crash and burn, Hya generously offered to set me up on HGLuv -so now I have a shiny 3×3 region there to run Neuanzere from. That’s 9 regions; 45000/9=5k per region -I can work with that. I asked for 45k (and not more) because of technical limits of the viewer (that’s the max it can handle, I’m told).

2) On Mewe, the woman who runs the Alelaria Dreamworld group posted a link bestie had told me about (but I’d forgotten) to a medieval map generator on Open Culture:Map Generator.

Using that, I came up with the following layout:


I spent a week or so setting up walls and streets on it, and this is what I’ve got done so far. The streets need to be connected, and probably simplified as well. I’m not setting up builds/shanties outside of the walls -this is going to be complicated enough as it is!


Out of curiosity, I set up some prims to figure out the area the city will take up, and thus:


The lower prims are 256×256, the upper ones are 210×256; for a rough total of 466×512 -four regions worth of space, in other words.

That’s a lot of fachwerks!

Luckily I’m a huge, huge fan of cut-and-paste, and I have Filter Forge, so I was able to whip up some happy little faches and set them out; I’ll use those to fill in the gaps around town, and then when I complete a build I’ll simply swap out the faches for the build I want to use a space for.

This is how it looks so far:


The Platz is HUGE, though -that worries me; and that’s one of the reasons I decided to test how much area I’m working with and see how the platz looks on the original map etc.

Of course, the RL monster is going to rear it’s head this week; shopping, errands, making preparations in case I lose all my RL stuff etc etc. But hopefully I can at least polish up the Happy Little Faches and perhaps set them out in a shop somewhere, and get some other buildy stuff done as well.


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Blue Plaster Wall settings

Filterforge 6, tweaking “Medieval House Walls” (by Totte) filter for the game.

This has a lot of potential for re-use, in particular I think that setting “wall roughness” to zero gave the plaster a much more realistic texture than it has by default.

Here’s screenshots of the settings:



There are settings below “wood dirt”, but I didn’t touch those (except setting “seamless”), the defaults ought to do.

Hex codes:

Wood color:6C695D

Ring color:613D24

Wall color: B5C7D0

Mortar base:686760

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Bringing sexy^h^h^h^h Neuanzere back

Alaska is imploding -that means I’m going to be back to eating ramen in real life.

That also means that I’m going to have to make drastic adjustments to my budget.

When I posted that on FB, Hya offered me a region on HGluv -and that’s going to be my fallback/center of operations.

Like a dog returning to it’s vomit, I’m revisiting the micronation idea, with a twist (of sorts).

When I created the infrastructure for Neuanzere in 2016, I had a bit of a convoluted mix of ideas. It was going to be a cross-platform micronation that could be used for RP (both micronational and otherwise) -I was envisioning a cross between Port Neualtenburg and Carima, essentially, that would exist on sinespace, hifi, sl and opensim.

Here’s the kicker; I don’t RP. (short term ERP doesn’t count).

So when I realized that it was more work than I wanted, for no payoff, and that no one would give a shitย  …I mothballed the project.

An explanation of what changed goes here -but honestly? I don’t remember LOL. You win this round, cognitive decline -my old nemesis. When I remember, I’ll do a write up, then edit and paste a link here.

Moving on for now …

I’ve always had problems with focus, with managing my time and energy efficiently. That’s not changing -but hopefully by using Neuanzere as a ‘conceptual wrapper’ of some sort I can start getting a grip.

I have three goals, well -two goals and one hope for the project:

1)Self aggrandization (sp?) and vanity. Ie I want a country of my own, complete with castle et al. I deserve nothing less. “Every man and woman is a star” …that includes me (it includes you too, but I’m the one writing this blog).

2)A “wrapper” for my projects. Primarily for the sake of organization. When I take on something, start a new region,whatever -hopefully I’ll take the time to figure out “where and how in neuanzere does this fit”.

3)A social interface to opensim. This is vague and uncertain -but is on my mind and will be a thing.

I had thought that perhaps I could organize a virtual arts networking kind of group. As a group, we all scratch one another’s back basically. Members would have a baked-in audience, people could get various forms of support -that sort of thing.

The artist group thing isn’t gonna happen, though. I have a strong impression that it would be redundant, and would be of no use to anyone. I might still bug some people I know and see if there’s any kind of interest, however. No idea what shape that’s gonna take in the end.

Still, I know people…build it and they will come? Hardly. More like “when the apprentice is ready, the teacher will appear”. I’ll just be over here indulging in vanity while keeping my ear to the ground and watching for a niche to fill.

It’s going to take months to fit all this together, but I have five main things to fit into this framework:

1)Janus, and the goddess monastery/convent

2)Races on 3RG

3)New Luxor on TAG, the other part of my goddess project

4)Developing a new “town square” oar

5) possibly developing an “outpost” on digiworldz

For years I’ve been stuck/fixated/limited to the Rothenburg model favored by the CDS et al. That has a number of limitations and weaknesses, not the least of which is copyright.

Just this morning I found an alternate source of inspiration: Prague, specifically The Old Town Hall. This is the image that caught my eye and gave me ideas:


I have been, and will continue to research Ancient Roman Urban Planning for ideas, but I don’t think it’s going to end up being esp helpful …it hasn’t so far.

What caught my eye about “The Old Town Hall” layout is how flexible it is, especially for larger regions (HGLuv and Digi are 3×3 sized vars, New Luxor will be an Egyptian temple or palace so it doesn’t apply)…it would be easy to put in a castle where the church is -no problem.

So, that’s the wtf and the why; I wrote up a separate post for the “when”:

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Neuanzere goals

This is the timeline I have pictured now (July 2019) of the steps I’ll need to take to complete and/or open the Neuanzere project. Between now and Feb 2020 I will be editing this page to add more things etc as they come up.


Pull the Neuanzere project out of mothballs (done, obviously)

Do at least one test race in 3RG, figure out what weaknesses (lag, physics, griefing) are present and workarounds

Finish building and open “The Rock And Roll club” in TAG

Assess potential $$$ fallout and how that will affect my virtual life

Talk with ppl in SL (and opensim?) about doing a Goddess service, assess what needs to be written (ceremony, etc).


Consolidate (or begin consolidating) regions and rentals

Continue 3RG race planning

TAG building event (cross fingers)




PFD -pay ahead where I can (CDS fach + prim parcel, dj stream)

Begin preparing for the dark of winter (setting up things to run themselves from Nov to Feb)


Wrap up CDS obligations, put that on auto-pilot


Survive the dark IRL -in other words, nothing.

Winter Solstice service? In SL, in TAG and HGLuv



Release oar file for a do it yourself capitol

Hold a ceremony officially opening Neuanzere for business.

Goals to have done by Feb 2020:

1)Have 3rg (monthly? biweekly?) race events established

2)Have TAG and HGLuv events established

3)Have a “capitol” build for meetings, events and as a “home base”


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